{PandaMomo Lifestory} "shining as a star ...life is a never-ending journey of discovery learning"

02 September 2009

My Darkest Day

Yesterday was my darkest day ever. It was my fourth TCM chiropractic treatment that I was going for to relieve my severe muscle spasms. It happened to be pouring cats and dogs and the sky was gloomy when I left office to travel to Chinatown, Furama Hotel City Centre for the treatment at TCM Zheng Gu and Acupuncture Treatment Centre. The treatment was longer than usual starting from around 1.40p.m. and ending around 5.30p.m. Acupuncture, vacuumua (cupping treatment), tui na (stepping on my back) and moxibustion were used. It was too much for me to take it that I started feeling that I was floating. The chiropractor/ acupuncturist Terence Yee tried adjusting the needles, but it was already too much for me to take it.

Half-way through the treatments, I went into a shocking state of fits whereby I kept screaming in pain. This reminds me of last year when I also screamed and wailed in agony when I hyper-ventilated in the former school I taught at. A scary experience. I guess the doc must have been shocked by my reaction.

Soon after the treatments were completed, I was horrified when I could not focus and see things around me. To make things worse, I could hardly stand up by myself. Even with the support of the tables and chairs around me, I had great difficulty in standing up. I kept questioning the doc why was it like that? What's wrong? All he could tell me was that I had fits during treatment and it was brain-related reaction to the acupuncture treatment. Ahhhh...

The worst came about when I started vomitting and somehow lost my sensation in my legs. It was horrifying when I could not see properly and lost coordination of my limbs. I had problems even fishing out my wallet to make payment for the treatment. Even when I wanted to sms or call my family and friends, I could not coordinate at all. Panic struck me there and then.

After making payment, the doc sent me to the nearest taxi stand at Furama, telling me to call home to ask my Mummy to come downstairs at my block to wait and bring me home. I could hardly make sense of what he was saying, much less follow him to the taxi stand. I kept calling out in my weak voice that I can't see where I was heading. I really can't see. Even when getting into the taxi, I had problems climbing in and he had to lift me by my pants to get in. When the taxi-driver instructed me to buckle up, I also had problem buckling up. Upon reaching my destination, i.e. my home, the taxi uncle kept asking me which directions and whether we were there yet. For goodness' sake, I can't even see with my spectacles on. Kept telling the uncle that I had problems with my sight there and then, so can't tell him where until I faintly saw some familiar colours of my housing estate. Terrible!

Upon reaching the car porch, I practically stumbled out of the taxi as I had problems coordinating my hands and legs, especially my whole left side seemed to have lost all sensation and went stiff and numb, all cramped up.

Back home, I was knocking into every piece of furniture in my house as I could hardly coordinate my legs and had practically no feeling in my left leg. I was just limping on my right and dragging my left. It was in pain that I flung myself onto my bed to rest briefly before my quick bath. It was torturous as I lost my basic mobility last night. Lost my appetite as well. I must have shocked my parents and caused them lots of worry. I feel sorry about it.

Well, thank God, after resting the whole night, I felt a little better today. However, I still felt very weak and numb on my left side. The coordination of my limbs is still bad, especially when climbing the steps. I practically have to put it down slowly to feel my step. That bad! Sighz. Really regretted going yesterday for treatment. That's the last time I am going there to be treated! Ended up worse than before.

Now, I have to take time to recover. Thankful for the group of friends that I have who stand by me. Early in the morning during the workshop on 'Content Analysis and Grounded Theory in Qualitative Research', Pui San lent me support in climbing the steps in LT 7 and moving in and out of the LT. My weak and weary self is warmed by the little acts done by my friends to help me. Mardiana, Aisha and Azlina had been great kawans who accompanied me to wait for a taxi to get me home, seeing the terrible state I was in. It was very sweet of them. I felt touched.

Grateful for the friends I have who have pointed out my childish ways which I really need to work on correcting and stop repeating the same old mistake over and over again. It's just a vicious cycle. Inadvertently, I have caused much sorrow and pain to my friends without realising it till today. I guess I was really unaware that what was happening to me, was affecting my friends around me. Really sorry about it, but I will make sure I work to resolve the problems to return as the happy and healthy momo once again. One who brings cheer and joy, not one who brings pain and hurt.

To all my friends (new or old), thanks for your patience with me and care shown. I don't wish to hurt the people around me, but sometimes I do it unwittingly and without knowing till pointed out. This is really bad. I am sincerely sorry for hurting anyone along the way.

Let this be a new beginning! Start all over again. Time to really let the past go and move on from here. Forward is the way to go! Pray that I really learn to LET GO!

7:24 pm;

RESEARCH ASSISTANT & PHOTOGRAPHER

MY PROFILE
momo

*My heart goes all out
to do the best I can,
not for self,
but for God.

*Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness

*Always hoping
to touch the lives of people I meet
and light up their lives
like a TWINKLING STAR!

*Love for
photography,
travelling,
cycling,
badminton,
reading,
singing,
listening to music
& doing handicrafts like
friendship bands, paper cranes & hearts n making cross-stitch pictures

*Favourite colour: All shades of blue

{JUST BE who I want to be}

Just Be
Be strong enough to
face the world each day
Be weak enough to know
you cannot do everything alone

Be generous to those who need your help
Be frugal with what you need yourself

Be wise enough to know that
you do not know everything
Be foolish enough to

BELIEVE in MIRACLES

Be willing to
SHARE your JOYS
Be willing to
SHARE the sorrows of others

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed
Be a follower when
you are shrouded in the midst of uncertainty

Be the FIRST to CONGRATULATE an opponent who SUCCEEDS
Be the LAST to CRITICIZE a friend who FAILS

Be sure where next step will fall, so that you will not stumble
Be sure of your final destination,
in case you are going the wrong way.

Be LOVING
to those who LOVE you

Be LOVING
to those who DO NOT LOVE you,
and they may CHANGE.

Above all, BE YOURSELF.